The Lies We Tell Ourselves
by Iodyn
Summary: An inside look at what lies Snape, Draco, Dumbledore, and Harry tried to convince themselves of to survive the war emotionally intact if not horribly bruised.
1. Dichotomy

The Lies we Tell Ourselves

_An inside look at what lies Snape, Harry, Draco, and Dumbledore tried to convince themselves of to survive the war emotionally intact if not horribly bruised. Each character is represented in their own chapter._

Dichotomy

Severe, just as his name suggested. That is what the world would see; that is all he would allow the world to see. Let them cringe as he stalks by, he long ago shielded his mind against such slight; the heart, that is another matter… This is who he is and he would not change, he would not show weakness. Weakness… that was a private matter, between him and a room warded as securely as his occlumency shields warded his mind.

The greasy git, undesirable, unworthy of anything but censure; that is how he prefers it, keep repeating that until it is true. If there is no one to care, they can't hurt him. He can't hurt them. This is the life he condemned himself to when he condemned his precious flower, his… no… he can't think about her. Her, or her wretched son whom he swore to protect. Put up the shields, put on a front, scare people away for 'the greater good'. Don't care for people, it hurts too much. Bury kindness deep, compassion won't, can't help. Keep the heart colder than a dementor's breath. So that when he stands before Voldemort he can say that he hates that green-eyed brat and that doddering old coot.


	2. Of blood

Of blood

There are twelve known uses of dragon blood. Only one use for his, to be superior in everyway. Receive top grades, excel in politics, be aristocratic, look down on the plebian masses with their tainted blood or misplaced loyalties. This is what the world would see; that is all he would allow the world to see. Ignore the fact that his blood has aligned itself with a madman bent on destruction. Ignore the deaths and the torture of people whose only crime is the status of their blood. Ignore the cruelties that turn his stomach for the 'greater good' of wizarding-kind as according to his father.

The pureblooded heir, the entitled prince, the world by right is his to manipulate. Being born to privilege comes with certain responsibility. His responsibility, grow-up, marry a cousin, produce inbred…pardon…pureblooded heirs. Destroy opposition, any challenge to the cleansing of wizard blood. That is the life he was condemned to. Wizards are superior to muggles keep repeating it until it is true. So that when he stands before Voldemort to receive his mark at his father's side he can survive the shame of his pure blood.


	3. The Greater Good or Regrets

The Greater Good or Regrets

Life used to be simple, right was right and wrong was wrong. No problem was so great that a pat on the back and a lemon drop couldn't fix it. But no, reminiscing is a dangerous path. This is a war, there is no time for the past, the regrets. He is the leader of the light, the mentor of the boy-who-lived-to-save-them. He cannot afford to dwell, to mourn, to grieve the loss of innocence. One does not win a war by planting peace lilies and handing out sweets, he has to make sacrifices. He has to manipulate, make decisions that he will regret even as he makes them for the 'greater good'.

Supreme Mugwump, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Headmaster, twinkling-grandfather-like mentor, that is all the world would see; that is all he would allow the world to see. Hide Grindelwald, hide Ariana, hide the regret, hide the fact that he too is just human, fallible. That is the life he is condemned to as the man people look to, the man Voldemort fears. Ignore the collateral damage, ignore the pain his decisions cause, it is all for the best, keep repeating it until it is true. So that when he stands before Voldemort he can justify the means by the end.


	4. Control

Control

Take a deep breath, smile, or at least smirk, in the face of danger. It's who he is, right? Arrogant, reckless, rushing headlong into peril for 'the greater good'. He is in control of his own destiny, not some dark lord. This is what the world would see; that is all he would allow the world to see. Hide away the insecure eleven-year-old longing for acceptance and protection, the twelve-year-old learning how quickly people will turn if he doesn't fit their idolized version of himself, the thirteen-year-old with dashed hopes, the broken and grieving fourteen-year-old, the angry fifteen-year-old, the lost sixteen-year-old.

The hero, golden-boy, destined-savior-with-too-many-names; chosen before birth and branded as a baby. That is the life he was condemned to for the crime of surviving. For defying death, he lost his life. Survived to save-die to save, self-preservation isn't allowed for saviors, for freaks. Follow the leaders of the light, trust them, when they don't trust him. He has choices, keep repeating that until it is true. It is his own life to live or lose, to save. So that when he falls before Voldemort's wand he will be remembered as the boy he was and not the savior they made him be.


End file.
